Today

 Today

 

12:53am

i fell asleep

r u there?

 

12:54am

yes mam

 

12:54am

im sorry i didnt call to say goodnt

 

12:55am

did you ever see the movie 'chocolat'

 

12:55am

yes it is one of my ultimate favorites

why?

 

12:56am

remember when shes about to leave and the winds start blowing?

 

12:56am

yep

 

12:56am

they are fierce, cold, dry winds...

 

12:57am

yeah

 

12:57am

but then johnny depp comes finally

 

12:57am

yeah

 

12:57am

you are my johnny depp

 

12:57am

and leaves

oh

 

12:57am

my house is shaking

 

12:57am

why?

 

12:58am

its like 40 degress and 50 mph winds

 

12:58am

yes, the fury before i arrive

 

12:58am

the palm tree fronds are dropping like flys

my ex called me tonight

 

12:58am

which one

 

12:59am

dont worry.

i told her about you

 

12:59am

im not

which one

 

12:59am

shes like my sister now

 

12:59am

which one

 

12:59am

im the brother she never had

my god sister

 

12:59am

which one

 

1:00am

lea

i have to pay you back for that cash you gave me

 

1:00am

nope!

 

1:00am

i cant take money like that

 

1:01am

thats just yer pride squeesing yer balls too tight

 

1:01am

no. i want to be your king. for now im still knight

 

1:02am

what does that have to do w money

 

1:02am

i cant be king until i have my own castle and my own truck and my own equal share to bring to the table

im getting a place in topanga

 

1:02am

im excited for u

 

1:02am

a small 2 bedroom house

 

1:03am

why 2

 

1:03am

for lil b

 

1:03am

beau

 

1:03am

i cant depend on you to provide me anything other than love

you have a son

every penny needs to go to him

when i get my shit together financially then

 

1:04am

then what

 

1:05am

i can take steps

i need metal

i need that grounding

i saw my 89 year old aunt tonight

 

1:05am

steps twards what

 

1:05am

my mom and i are going to visit my gmas grave tomorrow

im 30 years old. its now or never.

im either joining the military or something is going to happen

i know its there

i dont know what it is

a person

a project

a paid photo shoot

anything

it has to be there

 

1:07am

wher r u rt now love?

 

1:07am

i would join as a medic

ive done cpr

 

1:08am

thats better

 

1:08am

i would be field medic

i have to go to war jess

unless they slow them down

its not my choice

i have no anchor

no metal

no children

just a warrior

 

1:09am

i jst got tears in my eyes

 

1:09am

im sorry

im the youngest son

 

1:09am

read my email

 

1:09am

you just read it?

 

1:09am

read what?

 

1:10am

i sent it like 2 days ago

the email reply

 

1:10am

no

 

1:10am

you just got it?

 

1:10am

i responded

i got tears in my eyes bc of wht you are saying

and how i responded

 

1:10am

oh

i need to reply your reply

can you hang on a couple minutes?

do you need to sleep?

 

1:11am

for wht

 

1:11am

so i can read your reply

the email

i havent read it yet

 

1:11am

im coming hm

 

you need to let go

brogan is your anchor

those past lives are done

they still vibrate in your soul

but they are ashes spread to help new seeds grow

after the fire the ashes are clean

sterile

those lives are the ash of the fire

when you light the fire you let go

when you taste the smoke you let go

when you feel the pain of the heat

you let go

when you smoke the tobacco you let go

those lives are not this one my love

they are link in our chain

a link that is sealed

it has another link connected

but its a sealed link

of heavy metal

heavy enough

strong enough

to last forever

thats why you wear the bracelets

the metal links

they are there to ground you

are you listening

y

 

1:20am

because brogan is your new link

 

1:20am

fine beau....

nope

 

1:20am

brogan is your new metal

he is golden

 

1:21am

yes

 

1:21am

he will win gold for you

he will bring it you and smile

and when you touch that metal you will be home

that metal will unite those other past lives with this one

trust me

i brought home gold

 

1:22am

it already has beau

 

1:22am

i knew someday i would see another young man bring home gold

its different th

you are a mother this time

your son

when he brings you home metal you will keep it

for him

and when he finds it long after your body is gone he will remember giving it to you and feel you

this warrior life of ours is to be painted on canvas

and with alchemy

not with blood

this time we are stopping the flow

we are putting pressure on the wounds

this life is lighter jess

trust me

there is heavyness to it

but only to keep our toes on the earth

for if we get too light

they press us down

folded wings

tucked

under

 

1:25am

i love u